a collection of public, now offline, posts, written during 12023 and categorized a posteriori as related to the theme of the year, oleaje.
collage
me ha quedado claro que continuamente regreso a los mismos temas e intereses. la idea del oleaje me invita a iterarlos; a practicar, a establecer y disfrutar la rutina. también me ayuda a aceptar y tomar con calma el hecho de que el interés o motivación cambien o desaparezcan por un tiempo; ahora sé que de alguna forma regresarán y no tengo por qué entrar en crisis durante su ausencia.
busco ir con calma, cultivo de paciencia.
it takes time to heal the overly critical eye.
after several cycles of going through this, it is so clear to me now: whenever i go back to read things i was consistently writing and then stopped because of a feeling of pointlessness, i always enjoy them. this is either an encouragement to not stop, or a reminder that i shouldn't feel so bad when i do, as it will be there for me later on.
Today I took my notebook out. I enjoyed writing with pen and paper outdoors and walking in the grass barefoot.
These past few weeks I've been oscillating between giving up on computers and embracing them in my way. I observe the waves, flow, and take action in both directions.
it's almost a year in and I'm starting to feel comfortable calling myself an academic. for a while, I was concerned about building a professional profile™ and getting to network™ to secure my professional future™, but I've realized that hasn't worked for me when there's no significant set of shared values. also, around here in Fedi I've met several researchers I admire and with whom I identify more—I know some of them/you appreciate me as well! I definitely prefer these connections and support
currently riding a supercharged (?) luddite wave.
I've become aware that in the past months, I've constantly felt inadequate and falling short on several fronts of my life even though 1) I'm doing enough already and 2) I know most of it comes from self-imposed expectations. This, combined with uncertainty for the future—“professional” and ecological—hasn't been a good combination for my well-being.
On the personal side, I want to unlearn the idea of my worth coming from my work and outputs and I want to learn to feel that I'm enough as I am.
revelation (?) and note to self: watching live dance makes me want to (re)engage with dance
me parece curioso que IRL tiendo a reirme y tomarme las cosas con humor, y aquí como que me entra el mood solemne; mucha seriedad e intento de profundidad
y bueno, algo que encuentro gracioso es cómo de repente (en olas) me da el impulso de cambiar de cuenta, intentar “empezar de nuevo”, y tal, cuando en realidad lo que me parecería más interesante sería tanto aceptarme como transformarme “in place”.
hasta ahora ha funcionado la limitación autoimpuesta de ni crear ni borrar cuentas en línea.
con ganas de estar menos tiempo en las “redes sociales”, y más por acá o similar, leyendo y escribiendo lento. que la atención se desarrolle y el texto florezca.
de pronto se hace evidente, me doy cuenta y recuerdo, que hay muchas cosas interesantes que he hecho y que vale la pena compartir, seguir desarrollando, enfocar. veo que el sobrepensar se vuelve autosabotaje, mecanismo de defensa, salida fácil. tiempo de romper el ciclo cerrado para entonces explorar, y sí, seguir dando vueltas pero con la guía amplia del viento que nos lleva a mucho más.
I'm talking more with people IRL, be they strangers or within my context. It may sound obvious to some (and completely alien to my former self?), but it's been very nice! My main influence has been Mehret Biruk's time spent offline
I really feel this! (tired of trying to be someone on the Internet) sometimes I think I'm getting over it, especially thanks to the constant reminders of mehret biruk, but for example, today I started ruminating about moving my somewhat hidden, neocities site, to the server where I host other things, so that it's more findable. On the bright side, it's coming from a place of self-acceptance, but still... I'd prefer to not think too much about my internet breadcrumbs